claustrophobiaI think that the passion's running out of all of the things to which I'be begun running to hide from myself. Why am I running? Why am I hiding? What am I hiding? I'm so afraid. I don't want them to see me fail. I don't want to see myself fail. Sometimes, I set my standards higher than anyone else's just so that they can't see me fail by any reasonably ones. I remember when I believed that I could do anything. These days..., I don't think so. It doesn't help that I do keep failing. It seems like things are being reduced to a game of appearing to be able to do anything, rather than being able to, and rather than actually doing it. Trying to be impressive..., and failing. I think that there's a poorly-defined boundary between being being impressive and being intimidating, and every time that I end up being intimidating, I fail. I don't know what he solution to this ill is. Maybe I'm waiting for someone to tell me that they're proud of me. Maybe I'm wondering why my friends are my friends, because I don't see it. Maybe Tiare was right that I just... lost my key to myself, and maybe I'm just noticing. I don't know. There's a certain longing, and I don't know what it is. I'm afraid, and lonely, and I need a hug. You can all laugh at me, now.... [Reply] |
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